Starting my new blog with an interview about foster parenting!

I am starting off my blog with an interview of my friend and high school classmate, Mary Small Vertanen. She and her husband Dennis fostered over 50 foster children for 15 years.  A retired preschool teacher, Mary is now a Girl Scout troop leader who lives in Upper Michigan.

Coming in the next few months will be a blog posting about a question and answer session via Facetime between Mary’s troop and Girl Scout alumna Tiara Morton who is a Child Development major at Tennessee State University.

When asked about foster parenting, Mary said, “It truly was a labor of love and a family affair. At times it was very hard on our girls. They would fall in love with a child and then that child would be sent home. My youngest was a very outspoken little girl and one time she actually wrote a letter to the director of social services voicing her concerns for her ‘sister and brother’.”

Since I had never fostered any children, I had a few questions for Mary.

1.       What prompted you and your husband to be foster parents?

We were awaiting the adoption of our daughter from Korea. Our second daughter had passed away at 6 months and Dennis and I had said we would have two biological children and then adopt. We wanted our oldest daughter to have experiences with other children prior to getting her sister from Korea. My parents had been unofficial foster parents.

2.       How old, what gender, was your first foster child?

Our first foster child was a little girl named Dawn. She was three years old. We had only been licensed for about 2 hours when we got the call for Dawn.

3.       What things did you do to help your children adapt to the new child?  

        In the beginning of our Foster parent journey Courtney was only three years old. We talked to her about having another child live with us, had her help get the bedroom ready. When we decided to become foster parents in Vermont Courtney was 9 years old and Kimberley was 5 years old. We talked to them about the process, introduced them to the staff at social services and they helped set up the bedroom for the future foster children.

4.       What are the greatest rewards of foster parenting?   

       It isn’t easy at times bringing another child into your home especially a child who had been neglected or abused. Our girls learned to love unconditionally. They learned about acceptance. They learned so much about helping others overcome their fears. I think us being a foster family helped our girls grow into strong, independent and caring adults.

               For me……I loved offering a safe haven for the children.

5.       How did you deal behavioral challenges in a child?  

       Sometimes we had to be creative when dealing with children with behavior issues. We used various resources in our community to help us deal with the children including mental health services. We took a lot of parenting classes and trainings.

6.       Did you belong to support groups with other foster parents?

Dennis and I were very active in the foster parent association in Vermont and attended the state foster parent conferences every year.

7.       Any advice for people considering becoming foster parents?

             
 It will be one of the most difficult things you will ever do…….to love a child for a day, a week, a month or even a year and then say good bye. It can be heartbreaking for you and for your children. It can be extremely difficult to bring a child into your home who might have anger issues, severe emotional issues, learning disabilities or a child who has been the victim of child abuse. You will have countless sleepless nights, lots of tears, tantrums, rejection. You just need to open your heart and love the child.

Make sure you have a strong support system to help you during the difficult times. Ask for help.

Learn to say no when you are feeling burned out.

Don’t be afraid to tell the caseworker that the placement isn’t working. You need to keep yourself and your family “healthy” to be able to continue providing a home for the foster children.

Thank you, Mary! You are an inspiration!